An Independent Dependency

May 14, 2009

When I was younger, I prided myself on how independent I was.  Starting at age 7, I would leave my parents for weeks at a time and visit my grandparents or go to camps and never get homesick.  I loved my parents and my home but I think I enjoyed the fact that I could, to some degree, take care of myself.  Leaving San Marcos to move to College Station to attend Texas A&M was one of the most exciting moments in my young adult life.  Finally, I was being given the opportunity to prove that I was capable of living on my own.

My independent spirit thrived at A&M.  During my 6 years there my parents practically had to beg me to come home for a visit while many of my other friends went home every available weekend, especially that freshman year.  I even took several trips overseas during that time to further punctuate how independent I truly was.  When I studied abroad in Italy for 2 months, it was my mom who couldn’t handle the one phone call a week rule that Dad established, not me.  I was doing just fine. 

Grad school, internship at the White House and moving to Dallas were more stepping stones on my road of independence.  That was, until, I got engaged to Robert.  All of a sudden, I needed his opinion on virtually every decision I made.  I couldn’t commit to dinner or an evening out with friends without first consulting Robert.  And the strangest part was it felt so natural.  My independent spirit that so frequently wanted to buck off any notion of dependency was content. 

I believe it came to rest on the fact that depending on Robert in our relationship, in our marriage, was simply just the next iteration of what it means to be an independent woman.  I had left the umbrella of my parents’ household and authority and had joined a new household with Robert.  WE were independent, together, and while that may seem like an oxymoron I think it’s perfect. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about this independent dependance this week as Robert has been away from Dallas in Maine with our good friend Jim.  I’ve gotten used to having Robert around so much that I find myself not knowing what to do when I’m by myself.  Well I guess that’s not entirely true.  I’ve been a very busy woman this week with two neighborhood meetings for work and a prolonged dinner with a good friend.  I’ve literally only been home long enough to sleep, get ready for work and head out of the door.

And while I enjoyed my independence this week, I am beyond excited that I will be picking Robert up at the airport tonight at 6:30pm!  It will be great to return to the normal state of life with Robert that I now loving call my independent dependency.


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